Sunday, September 9, 2012

a conversation with God

I grew up in a Christian home, but I was coming back to my faith from agnosticism at the time this conversation happened.

me:  ...I just want to be in a relationship and have my love actually be returned, you know?

God:  Yeah. I totally know.

me:  Hey, wait a minute there-- I was talking about having a boyfriend.

God:  I'm better than any boyfriend.  I made you.  I know you.  And it's Me that made you to crave love, the way you are right now.

me:  So basically You are telling me that You are everything I could possibly want?

God:  Yep.

me:  Well... I don't know.  I mean, do we actually have anything in common?  I have no idea how to even have a friendship, let alone a relationship, with someone I can't see and don't have anything in common with!  I mean, this music I'm listening to now.  Alternative rock.  Do you like this?  I never hear this in church.  Church music is boring!

God:  You are aware that I invented music, right?

me:  uh, yeah...

God:  You are made in MY image.  I made humanity to enjoy music.  I delight in My creation's joy in My gift.  I gave you the ability to make music.  If you are enjoying my gift, as long as it honors Me, it could pretty much be said that I enjoy all types of music.

me:  Whoa... okay then.  What about The Lord of the Rings?  What do you think of that?

God: Well, I made J.R.R. Tolkien.  And I gave him the talents he used to make The Lord of the Rings.  I made C.S. Lewis too, in case you were going to ask me about that.

me:  um yeah... I was.  So basically You're telling me that everything I'm interested in and enjoy... You made.

God:  (laughs) Yes.

me:  Stop laughing at me.  I guess I knew that, I guess I just hadn't thought about it in those terms before... that I can't help but have common interests with You because You made me, and everything I enjoy.  That I'm made in Your image and not the other way around. (pause) You're a lot more, a lot deeper than I realized, God.  You don't fit what I thought about You at all.

God:  That's because you were putting Me in a box.  I'm bigger than the box.

me:  Wow.  That's too deep for me.  I need to think about this some more.  Let's talk later.

God:  What's the problem?

me:  (pause) ...Ummmm... I guess I'm scared.

God:  I gave you courage.  Don't be scared of Me.  It's time to stop running.  It's time to get closer.  But I want you to come to Me.

me:  Okay.  I'll come back in a bit.  I just need to process this.

God:  I'll be here.  I am always here.

(a little while later)

me:  So basically, this 'made in Your image' thing would also mean that you have a sense of humor, right?  I mean, when something ironic happens to somebody, they say "God has a sense of humor," but what they really mean is "the gods are laughing at me."  But we wouldn't enjoy humorous things unless You did, right?  Because humor couldn't exist unless You knew what it was.

God: (laughs and smiles indulgently) That's right.

me:  Stop laughing at me.  This is so weird.

God: (laughs) But it's a good weird.

me:  Yeah, it's a good weird.

(a little while later)

me:  So God... if You're bigger than the box... and You want a relationship with me... then let me ask You a big question.

God:  Yes?

me:  What exactly do You want from me?  I mean... I have talents and gifts and stuff... like writing, art, discernment, stuff like that.  But what exactly am I supposed to be doing with them?  'Cuz I don't think I am doing it now.

God:  Well, you'd have to go deeper with Me to really understand the answer.  But I want you to use those talents to tell others what you've found out about Me tonight.

me:  To get You out of the box?

God:  Yes, that's partly it.  To show others that a relationship with Me is the only thing that will fulfill them in life.  There's a lot more, and I can only show you a glimpse right now.  But I will tell you, I promise, if you seek Me.

me:  Hmmm... okay.  Thanks.

(a little while later)

me:  God, does this relationship thing mean I have to stop being myself?  I mean, people say you have to lose yourself in God.  But I like me.  I don't want to unlearn what I learned without You.  I don't want to go back to being judgmental and holier-than-thou and boring and puritanical, because being that way sucks.

God:  You know perfectly well that Christianity isn't supposed to be like that.  Some Christians you've met might be, but not all of them are.  Anyway, you're just making excuses now.

me:  Yeah, I am.  You're right.  It's just that this is weird... and hard... and scary.

God:  Only because it's new.  Courage, dear.

me:  Did You make me the combative type so that I could handle this? (weak laugh)

God:  No, I made you the COURAGEOUS type so that you wouldn't be afraid to speak the truth.  I made it so that you would get used to dealing with unpleasant situations so that you wouldn't place the opinions of the world above My own.  Because you're going to speak for Me, dear heart, and it's not going to be an easy road.

me:  My mom would say that bluntness is not a virtue.

God:  Are you going to listen to what your mom says, or to Me?

me:  (taken aback)  Well... You, I guess.  That's a weird thing for God to say-- 'don't listen to your mom.'

God:  Only because you're using it as another excuse.  Back to the box again.

me:  Yes, yes, the box.

God:  Obey your parents.  Love your parents.  But your HIGHEST calling is to Me.

me:  Oh, yeah... I knew that.  I mean, it was there as head knowledge, but I'm not really sure I understood it before.

And God smiled.

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